Where did I put that whiskey bottle..?

Who the hell let’s their Director of Institutional Research talk to the press?! I mean.. really?! Usually they try to keep us away from the press. We know too much, we get carried away in the data sometimes and stop speaking English, we don’t have that certain special gloss that shines under the bright lights and attention, and we certainly don’t ever report data without appropriate context, like it or not. We’re really like little nocturnal creatures that prefer to hide away in our caves offices away from all the big scary people. We *like* to spend hours immersed in data at our desks*, venturing out only to acquire more coffee or for the occasional unavoidable meeting. Really.**

Now I just need to convince our PR Director to stop putting reporters directly in contact with me. I’m really a much happier and calmer person if I’m not fretting how every word I say (or type) might be taken out of context by some intrepid reporter out to make their name.***

.. I need (another) drink. .. and maybe a Society for the Protection of Institutional Researchers. *sigh*

* Preferably with the nasty, evil overhead fluorescent lights turned off and our little desk lamp (with a daylight bulb that blends in perfectly with the lights coming in through our windows) on so that you can’t really tell if we’re in there.

** No, I mean.. Really. Honestly and truly.

*** Not really. Well.. maybe a little.


2 thoughts on “Where did I put that whiskey bottle..?

  1. dread_ex says:

    If you want to stop being put in the position where your forced to talk to the public do what I do: get a reputation for saying the first weirdass thing that pops into your brain (you ARE off probation aren’t you?). I am not allowed to meet visitors anymore.

  2. Sara Skates says:

    Oh Dear. I’m sorry, but I’m also giggling at your description of our hunker-down-and-avoid-others description – it’s pretty apt!

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